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1Project Gutenberg's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
2
3This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
4almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
5re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
6with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
7
8
9Title: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
10
11Author: Lewis Carroll
12
13Posting Date: June 25, 2008 [EBook #11]
14Release Date: March, 1994
15[Last updated: July 16, 2011]
16
17Language: English
18
19
20*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND ***
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
32
33Lewis Carroll
34
35THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0
36
37
38
39
40CHAPTER I. Down the Rabbit-Hole
41
42Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the
43bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the
44book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in
45it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or
46conversation?'
47
48So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the
49hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure
50of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and
51picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran
52close by her.
53
54There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so
55VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear!
56Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when she thought it over afterwards, it
57occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time
58it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH
59OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on,
60Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had
61never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch
62to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field
63after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large
64rabbit-hole under the hedge.
65
66In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how
67in the world she was to get out again.
68
69The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then
70dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think
71about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep
72well.
73
74Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had
75plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was
76going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what
77she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything; then she
78looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with
79cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures
80hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as
81she passed; it was labelled 'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great
82disappointment it was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear
83of killing somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as
84she fell past it.
85
86'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, I shall
87think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at
88home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top
89of the house!' (Which was very likely true.)
90
91Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! 'I wonder how
92many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting
93somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four
94thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several
95things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this
96was not a VERY good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there
97was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over)
98'--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude
99or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or
100Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.)
101
102Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right THROUGH the
103earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with
104their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad
105there WAS no one listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the
106right word) '--but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country
107is, you know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and
108she tried to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling
109through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And what an
110ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, it'll never do to
111ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'
112
113Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began
114talking again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I should think!'
115(Dinah was the cat.) 'I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at
116tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here with me! There are no
117mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's very
118like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice
119began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy
120sort of way, 'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, 'Do
121bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question,
122it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing
123off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with
124Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, 'Now, Dinah, tell me the truth:
125did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon
126a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.
127
128Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment:
129she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her was another
130long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it.
131There was not a moment to be lost: away went Alice like the wind, and
132was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, 'Oh my ears
133and whiskers, how late it's getting!' She was close behind it when she
134turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found
135herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging
136from the roof.
137
138There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when
139Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every
140door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to
141get out again.
142
143Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid
144glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, and Alice's
145first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall;
146but, alas! either the locks were too large, or the key was too small,
147but at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second
148time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and
149behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high: she tried the
150little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!
151
152Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not
153much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage
154into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of
155that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and
156those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the
157doorway; 'and even if my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, 'it
158would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could
159shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know how to begin.'
160For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately,
161that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really
162impossible.
163
164There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went
165back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at
166any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this
167time she found a little bottle on it, ('which certainly was not here
168before,' said Alice,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper
169label, with the words 'DRINK ME' beautifully printed on it in large
170letters.
171
172It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little Alice was
173not going to do THAT in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' she said, 'and
174see whether it's marked "poison" or not'; for she had read several nice
175little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild
176beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not remember
177the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot
178poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your
179finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never
180forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison,' it is
181almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
182
183However, this bottle was NOT marked 'poison,' so Alice ventured to taste
184it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour
185of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot
186buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off.
187
188  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
189
190    *    *    *    *    *    *
191
192  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
193
194'What a curious feeling!' said Alice; 'I must be shutting up like a
195telescope.'
196
197And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and her face
198brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going
199through the little door into that lovely garden. First, however, she
200waited for a few minutes to see if she was going to shrink any further:
201she felt a little nervous about this; 'for it might end, you know,' said
202Alice to herself, 'in my going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder
203what I should be like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a
204candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember
205ever having seen such a thing.
206
207After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided on going
208into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when she got to the
209door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and when she
210went back to the table for it, she found she could not possibly reach
211it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her
212best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery;
213and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing
214sat down and cried.
215
216'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to herself,
217rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' She generally
218gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it),
219and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into
220her eyes; and once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having
221cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself,
222for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people.
223'But it's no use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people!
224Why, there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable person!'
225
226Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table:
227she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words
228'EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. 'Well, I'll eat it,' said
229Alice, 'and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it
230makes me grow smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll
231get into the garden, and I don't care which happens!'
232
233She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 'Which way? Which
234way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was
235growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same
236size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice
237had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way
238things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on
239in the common way.
240
241So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.
242
243  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
244
245    *    *    *    *    *    *
246
247  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
248
249
250
251
252CHAPTER II. The Pool of Tears
253
254'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that
255for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English); 'now I'm
256opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet!'
257(for when she looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of
258sight, they were getting so far off). 'Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder
259who will put on your shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure
260_I_ shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble
261myself about you: you must manage the best way you can;--but I must be
262kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or perhaps they won't walk the way I want
263to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.'
264
265And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. 'They must
266go by the carrier,' she thought; 'and how funny it'll seem, sending
267presents to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
268
269     ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.
270       HEARTHRUG,
271         NEAR THE FENDER,
272           (WITH ALICE'S LOVE).
273
274Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'
275
276Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in fact she was
277now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden
278key and hurried off to the garden door.
279
280Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to
281look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more
282hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again.
283
284'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great girl like
285you,' (she might well say this), 'to go on crying in this way! Stop this
286moment, I tell you!' But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of
287tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches
288deep and reaching half down the hall.
289
290After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and
291she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White
292Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in
293one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great
294hurry, muttering to himself as he came, 'Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess!
295Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt so
296desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit
297came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, 'If you please, sir--'
298The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan,
299and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.
300
301Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she
302kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: 'Dear, dear! How
303queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual.
304I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the
305same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a
306little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who
307in the world am I? Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!' And she began thinking
308over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to
309see if she could have been changed for any of them.
310
311'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such long
312ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm sure I can't
313be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a
314very little! Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I, and--oh dear, how puzzling
315it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me
316see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and
317four times seven is--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!
318However, the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography.
319London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, and
320Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain! I must have been changed for
321Mabel! I'll try and say "How doth the little--"' and she crossed her
322hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it,
323but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the
324same as they used to do:--
325
326     'How doth the little crocodile
327      Improve his shining tail,
328     And pour the waters of the Nile
329      On every golden scale!
330
331     'How cheerfully he seems to grin,
332      How neatly spread his claws,
333     And welcome little fishes in
334      With gently smiling jaws!'
335
336'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and her eyes
337filled with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel after all, and
338I shall have to go and live in that poky little house, and have next to
339no toys to play with, and oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, I've
340made up my mind about it; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no
341use their putting their heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I
342shall only look up and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then,
343if I like being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here
344till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden burst
345of tears, 'I do wish they WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired
346of being all alone here!'
347
348As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see
349that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while
350she was talking. 'How CAN I have done that?' she thought. 'I must
351be growing small again.' She got up and went to the table to measure
352herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now
353about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found
354out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped
355it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
356
357'That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at the
358sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; 'and
359now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed back to the little door:
360but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was
361lying on the glass table as before, 'and things are worse than ever,'
362thought the poor child, 'for I never was so small as this before, never!
363And I declare it's too bad, that it is!'
364
365As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash!
366she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she
367had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that case I can go back by
368railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in
369her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go
370to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the
371sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row
372of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon
373made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she
374was nine feet high.
375
376'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying
377to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by
378being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer thing, to be sure!
379However, everything is queer to-day.'
380
381Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way
382off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at first she thought
383it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then she remembered how small
384she was now, and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had
385slipped in like herself.
386
387'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to this mouse?
388Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very
389likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no harm in trying.' So she
390began: 'O Mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired
391of swimming about here, O Mouse!' (Alice thought this must be the right
392way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before, but
393she remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, 'A mouse--of
394a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather
395inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes,
396but it said nothing.
397
398'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; 'I daresay it's
399a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror.' (For, with all
400her knowledge of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago
401anything had happened.) So she began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which
402was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a
403sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright.
404'Oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt
405the poor animal's feelings. 'I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
406
407'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. 'Would
408YOU like cats if you were me?'
409
410'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: 'don't be angry
411about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you'd
412take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet
413thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the
414pool, 'and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and
415washing her face--and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's
416such a capital one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried
417Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she
418felt certain it must be really offended. 'We won't talk about her any
419more if you'd rather not.'
420
421'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his
422tail. 'As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always HATED
423cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!'
424
425'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of
426conversation. 'Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' The Mouse did not
427answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 'There is such a nice little dog near
428our house I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you
429know, with oh, such long curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when
430you throw them, and it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts
431of things--I can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer,
432you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He
433says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful
434tone, 'I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was swimming
435away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in
436the pool as it went.
437
438So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we
439won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't like them!' When the
440Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its
441face was quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low
442trembling voice, 'Let us get to the shore, and then I'll tell you my
443history, and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'
444
445It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the
446birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo,
447a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the
448way, and the whole party swam to the shore.
449
450
451
452
453CHAPTER III. A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
454
455They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the
456birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close
457to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
458
459The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a
460consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural
461to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had
462known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the
463Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, 'I am older than
464you, and must know better'; and this Alice would not allow without
465knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its
466age, there was no more to be said.
467
468At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
469called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you
470dry enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse
471in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt
472sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
473
474'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all ready? This
475is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William
476the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted
477to by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much
478accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
479Mercia and Northumbria--"'
480
481'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.
482
483'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: 'Did
484you speak?'
485
486'Not I!' said the Lory hastily.
487
488'I thought you did,' said the Mouse. '--I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar,
489the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand,
490the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable--"'
491
492'Found WHAT?' said the Duck.
493
494'Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of course you know what
495"it" means.'
496
497'I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the
498Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the
499archbishop find?'
500
501The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, '"--found
502it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the
503crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his
504Normans--" How are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning
505to Alice as it spoke.
506
507'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: 'it doesn't seem to
508dry me at all.'
509
510'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 'I move
511that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic
512remedies--'
513
514'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of half
515those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!' And
516the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds
517tittered audibly.
518
519'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, 'was, that
520the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
521
522'What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much to know,
523but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak,
524and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
525
526'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do it.' (And, as
527you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell
528you how the Dodo managed it.)
529
530First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ('the exact
531shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party were placed
532along the course, here and there. There was no 'One, two, three, and
533away,' but they began running when they liked, and left off when they
534liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However,
535when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again,
536the Dodo suddenly called out 'The race is over!' and they all crowded
537round it, panting, and asking, 'But who has won?'
538
539This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,
540and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead
541(the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures
542of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said,
543'EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.'
544
545'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked.
546
547'Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger;
548and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused
549way, 'Prizes! Prizes!'
550
551Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her
552pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had
553not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one
554a-piece all round.
555
556'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.
557
558'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. 'What else have you got in
559your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.
560
561'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.
562
563'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.
564
565Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly
566presented the thimble, saying 'We beg your acceptance of this elegant
567thimble'; and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.
568
569Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave
570that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything
571to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she
572could.
573
574The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and
575confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste
576theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.
577However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and
578begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
579
580'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, 'and why
581it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half afraid that it
582would be offended again.
583
584'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and
585sighing.
586
587'It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with wonder at
588the Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she kept on puzzling
589about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was
590something like this:--
591
592         'Fury said to a
593         mouse, That he
594        met in the
595       house,
596     "Let us
597      both go to
598       law: I will
599        prosecute
600         YOU.--Come,
601           I'll take no
602           denial; We
603          must have a
604        trial: For
605      really this
606     morning I've
607    nothing
608    to do."
609     Said the
610      mouse to the
611       cur, "Such
612        a trial,
613         dear Sir,
614            With
615          no jury
616        or judge,
617       would be
618      wasting
619      our
620      breath."
621       "I'll be
622        judge, I'll
623         be jury,"
624            Said
625         cunning
626          old Fury:
627          "I'll
628          try the
629            whole
630            cause,
631              and
632           condemn
633           you
634          to
635           death."'
636
637
638'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. 'What are you
639thinking of?'
640
641'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: 'you had got to the fifth
642bend, I think?'
643
644'I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
645
646'A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking
647anxiously about her. 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!'
648
649'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up and walking
650away. 'You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
651
652'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily offended,
653you know!'
654
655The Mouse only growled in reply.
656
657'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after it; and the
658others all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but the Mouse only shook
659its head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.
660
661'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite
662out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her
663daughter 'Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose
664YOUR temper!' 'Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the young Crab, a little
665snappishly. 'You're enough to try the patience of an oyster!'
666
667'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, addressing
668nobody in particular. 'She'd soon fetch it back!'
669
670'And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' said the
671Lory.
672
673Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet:
674'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you
675can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why,
676she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'
677
678This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the
679birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very
680carefully, remarking, 'I really must be getting home; the night-air
681doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to
682its children, 'Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!'
683On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
684
685'I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a melancholy
686tone. 'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best
687cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you
688any more!' And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very
689lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard
690a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up
691eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming
692back to finish his story.
693
694
695
696
697CHAPTER IV. The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
698
699It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking
700anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard
701it muttering to itself 'The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh
702my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are
703ferrets! Where CAN I have dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a
704moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves,
705and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were
706nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her swim in
707the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the little door,
708had vanished completely.
709
710Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and
711called out to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what ARE you doing
712out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!
713Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once
714in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it
715had made.
716
717'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. 'How
718surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him
719his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' As she said this, she
720came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass
721plate with the name 'W. RABBIT' engraved upon it. She went in without
722knocking, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the
723real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had found the
724fan and gloves.
725
726'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going messages for
727a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!' And she
728began fancying the sort of thing that would happen: '"Miss Alice! Come
729here directly, and get ready for your walk!" "Coming in a minute,
730nurse! But I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't
731think,' Alice went on, 'that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it
732began ordering people about like that!'
733
734By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table
735in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs
736of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves,
737and was just going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little
738bottle that stood near the looking-glass. There was no label this time
739with the words 'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it
740to her lips. 'I know SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said
741to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what
742this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really
743I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'
744
745It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had
746drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling,
747and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put
748down the bottle, saying to herself 'That's quite enough--I hope I shan't
749grow any more--As it is, I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't
750drunk quite so much!'
751
752Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing,
753and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there
754was not even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with
755one elbow against the door, and the other arm curled round her head.
756Still she went on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out
757of the window, and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself 'Now I
758can do no more, whatever happens. What WILL become of me?'
759
760Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect,
761and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there
762seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room
763again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
764
765'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when one wasn't
766always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
767rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and
768yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what
769CAN have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that
770kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!
771There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I
772grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a sorrowful
773tone; 'at least there's no room to grow up any more HERE.'
774
775'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I NEVER get any older than I am
776now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman--but
777then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!'
778
779'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. 'How can you learn
780lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no room at all
781for any lesson-books!'
782
783And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making
784quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard
785a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
786
787'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. 'Fetch me my gloves this moment!'
788Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was
789the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the
790house, quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large
791as the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
792
793Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as
794the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it,
795that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself 'Then I'll
796go round and get in at the window.'
797
798'THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied
799she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her
800hand, and made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything,
801but she heard a little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass,
802from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a
803cucumber-frame, or something of the sort.
804
805Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--'Pat! Pat! Where are you?' And
806then a voice she had never heard before, 'Sure then I'm here! Digging
807for apples, yer honour!'
808
809'Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. 'Here! Come and
810help me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.)
811
812'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'
813
814'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it 'arrum.')
815
816'An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole
817window!'
818
819'Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'
820
821'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!'
822
823There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers
824now and then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at
825all!' 'Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at last she spread out her
826hand again, and made another snatch in the air. This time there were
827TWO little shrieks, and more sounds of broken glass. 'What a number of
828cucumber-frames there must be!' thought Alice. 'I wonder what they'll do
829next! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm
830sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!'
831
832She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a
833rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices
834all talking together: she made out the words: 'Where's the other
835ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill's got the other--Bill!
836fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up at this corner--No, tie 'em
837together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--Oh! they'll
838do well enough; don't be particular--Here, Bill! catch hold of this
839rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh, it's coming
840down! Heads below!' (a loud crash)--'Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I
841fancy--Who's to go down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I
842won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to
843go down the chimney!'
844
845'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said Alice to
846herself. 'Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in
847Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but
848I THINK I can kick a little!'
849
850She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited
851till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was)
852scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then,
853saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick, and waited to
854see what would happen next.
855
856The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes Bill!'
857then the Rabbit's voice along--'Catch him, you by the hedge!' then
858silence, and then another confusion of voices--'Hold up his head--Brandy
859now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell
860us all about it!'
861
862Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's Bill,' thought
863Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm better now--but I'm
864a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know is, something comes at me
865like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!'
866
867'So you did, old fellow!' said the others.
868
869'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called
870out as loud as she could, 'If you do. I'll set Dinah at you!'
871
872There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, 'I
873wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the
874roof off.' After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and
875Alice heard the Rabbit say, 'A barrowful will do, to begin with.'
876
877'A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt,
878for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the
879window, and some of them hit her in the face. 'I'll put a stop to this,'
880she said to herself, and shouted out, 'You'd better not do that again!'
881which produced another dead silence.
882
883Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into
884little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her
885head. 'If I eat one of these cakes,' she thought, 'it's sure to make
886SOME change in my size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must
887make me smaller, I suppose.'
888
889So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she
890began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through
891the door, she ran out of the house, and found quite a crowd of little
892animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was
893in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it
894something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment she
895appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself
896safe in a thick wood.
897
898'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she wandered
899about in the wood, 'is to grow to my right size again; and the second
900thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I think that will be
901the best plan.'
902
903It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply
904arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea
905how to set about it; and while she was peering about anxiously among
906the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a
907great hurry.
908
909An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes, and
910feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. 'Poor little thing!'
911said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard to whistle to it; but
912she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be
913hungry, in which case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of
914all her coaxing.
915
916Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and
917held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off
918all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick,
919and made believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind a great thistle,
920to keep herself from being run over; and the moment she appeared on the
921other side, the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head
922over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was
923very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every
924moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle again; then
925the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running a very
926little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely
927all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with
928its tongue hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
929
930This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; so she
931set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, and
932till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.
933
934'And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she leant
935against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the
936leaves: 'I should have liked teaching it tricks very much, if--if I'd
937only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that
938I've got to grow up again! Let me see--how IS it to be managed? I
939suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but the great
940question is, what?'
941
942The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round her at
943the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that
944looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances.
945There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as
946herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and
947behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what
948was on the top of it.
949
950She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the
951mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar,
952that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long
953hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.
954
955
956
957
958CHAPTER V. Advice from a Caterpillar
959
960The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence:
961at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed
962her in a languid, sleepy voice.
963
964'Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.
965
966This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied,
967rather shyly, 'I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least I know
968who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been
969changed several times since then.'
970
971'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain
972yourself!'
973
974'I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not
975myself, you see.'
976
977'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
978
979'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely,
980'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many
981different sizes in a day is very confusing.'
982
983'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.
984
985'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but when you
986have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then
987after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little
988queer, won't you?'
989
990'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.
991
992'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; 'all I know
993is, it would feel very queer to ME.'
994
995'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are YOU?'
996
997Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.
998Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such VERY
999short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, 'I think,
1000you ought to tell me who YOU are, first.'
1001
1002'Why?' said the Caterpillar.
1003
1004Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any
1005good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a VERY unpleasant
1006state of mind, she turned away.
1007
1008'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. 'I've something important
1009to say!'
1010
1011This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.
1012
1013'Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.
1014
1015'Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she
1016could.
1017
1018'No,' said the Caterpillar.
1019
1020Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and
1021perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For some
1022minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its
1023arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, 'So you think
1024you're changed, do you?'
1025
1026'I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; 'I can't remember things as I
1027used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'
1028
1029'Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar.
1030
1031'Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it all came
1032different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
1033
1034'Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar.
1035
1036Alice folded her hands, and began:--
1037
1038   'You are old, Father William,' the young man said,
1039    'And your hair has become very white;
1040   And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
1041    Do you think, at your age, it is right?'
1042
1043   'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,
1044    'I feared it might injure the brain;
1045   But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
1046    Why, I do it again and again.'
1047
1048   'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before,
1049    And have grown most uncommonly fat;
1050   Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
1051    Pray, what is the reason of that?'
1052
1053   'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
1054    'I kept all my limbs very supple
1055   By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--
1056    Allow me to sell you a couple?'
1057
1058   'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak
1059    For anything tougher than suet;
1060   Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
1061    Pray how did you manage to do it?'
1062
1063   'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law,
1064    And argued each case with my wife;
1065   And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
1066    Has lasted the rest of my life.'
1067
1068   'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose
1069    That your eye was as steady as ever;
1070   Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
1071    What made you so awfully clever?'
1072
1073   'I have answered three questions, and that is enough,'
1074    Said his father; 'don't give yourself airs!
1075   Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
1076    Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'
1077
1078
1079'That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.
1080
1081'Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; 'some of the words
1082have got altered.'
1083
1084'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar decidedly, and
1085there was silence for some minutes.
1086
1087The Caterpillar was the first to speak.
1088
1089'What size do you want to be?' it asked.
1090
1091'Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; 'only one
1092doesn't like changing so often, you know.'
1093
1094'I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar.
1095
1096Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life
1097before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.
1098
1099'Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.
1100
1101'Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,'
1102said Alice: 'three inches is such a wretched height to be.'
1103
1104'It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing
1105itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
1106
1107'But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And
1108she thought of herself, 'I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily
1109offended!'
1110
1111'You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it put the
1112hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
1113
1114This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again. In
1115a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth
1116and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down off the
1117mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went,
1118'One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you
1119grow shorter.'
1120
1121'One side of WHAT? The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to herself.
1122
1123'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it
1124aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.
1125
1126Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying
1127to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly
1128round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she
1129stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit
1130of the edge with each hand.
1131
1132'And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a little of
1133the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt a violent
1134blow underneath her chin: it had struck her foot!
1135
1136She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt
1137that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she
1138set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. Her chin was pressed
1139so closely against her foot, that there was hardly room to open her
1140mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the
1141lefthand bit.
1142
1143
1144  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
1145
1146    *    *    *    *    *    *
1147
1148  *    *    *    *    *    *    *
1149
1150'Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of delight, which
1151changed into alarm in another moment, when she found that her shoulders
1152were nowhere to be found: all she could see, when she looked down, was
1153an immense length of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a
1154sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
1155
1156'What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice. 'And where HAVE my
1157shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how is it I can't see you?'
1158She was moving them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow,
1159except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
1160
1161As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head, she
1162tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted to find that her
1163neck would bend about easily in any direction, like a serpent. She had
1164just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and was going
1165to dive in among the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops
1166of the trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made
1167her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and
1168was beating her violently with its wings.
1169
1170'Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.
1171
1172'I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. 'Let me alone!'
1173
1174'Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone,
1175and added with a kind of sob, 'I've tried every way, and nothing seems
1176to suit them!'
1177
1178'I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said Alice.
1179
1180'I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've tried
1181hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; 'but those
1182serpents! There's no pleasing them!'
1183
1184Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no use in
1185saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
1186
1187'As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the Pigeon;
1188'but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I
1189haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'
1190
1191'I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was beginning to
1192see its meaning.
1193
1194'And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued the
1195Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, 'and just as I was thinking I
1196should be free of them at last, they must needs come wriggling down from
1197the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'
1198
1199'But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. 'I'm a--I'm a--'
1200
1201'Well! WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon. 'I can see you're trying to
1202invent something!'
1203
1204'I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered
1205the number of changes she had gone through that day.
1206
1207'A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest
1208contempt. 'I've seen a good many little girls in my time, but never ONE
1209with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a serpent; and there's no use
1210denying it. I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an
1211egg!'
1212
1213'I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very truthful
1214child; 'but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you
1215know.'
1216
1217'I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; 'but if they do, why then they're
1218a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'
1219
1220This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent for a
1221minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, 'You're
1222looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and what does it matter to me
1223whether you're a little girl or a serpent?'
1224
1225'It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; 'but I'm not looking
1226for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't want YOURS: I don't
1227like them raw.'
1228
1229'Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled
1230down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as well as
1231she could, for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches, and
1232every now and then she had to stop and untwist it. After a while she
1233remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and
1234she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the
1235other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had
1236succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
1237
1238It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it
1239felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes,
1240and began talking to herself, as usual. 'Come, there's half my plan done
1241now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going
1242to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right
1243size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that
1244to be done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open
1245place, with a little house in it about four feet high. 'Whoever lives
1246there,' thought Alice, 'it'll never do to come upon them THIS size: why,
1247I should frighten them out of their wits!' So she began nibbling at the
1248righthand bit again, and did not venture to go near the house till she
1249had brought herself down to nine inches high.
1250
1251
1252
1253
1254CHAPTER VI. Pig and Pepper
1255
1256For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and wondering what
1257to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the
1258wood--(she considered him to be a footman because he was in livery:
1259otherwise, judging by his face only, she would have called him a
1260fish)--and rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened
1261by another footman in livery, with a round face, and large eyes like a
1262frog; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all
1263over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about,
1264and crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
1265
1266The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter,
1267nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to the other,
1268saying, in a solemn tone, 'For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen
1269to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone,
1270only changing the order of the words a little, 'From the Queen. An
1271invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.'
1272
1273Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together.
1274
1275Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into the
1276wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped out the
1277Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the ground near the
1278door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
1279
1280Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.
1281
1282'There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, 'and that for
1283two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you
1284are; secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could
1285possibly hear you.' And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise
1286going on within--a constant howling and sneezing, and every now and then
1287a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to pieces.
1288
1289'Please, then,' said Alice, 'how am I to get in?'
1290
1291'There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went on
1292without attending to her, 'if we had the door between us. For instance,
1293if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let you out, you know.'
1294He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and this
1295Alice thought decidedly uncivil. 'But perhaps he can't help it,' she
1296said to herself; 'his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head.
1297But at any rate he might answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she
1298repeated, aloud.
1299
1300'I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, 'till tomorrow--'
1301
1302At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate came
1303skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed his nose,
1304and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind him.
1305
1306'--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly
1307as if nothing had happened.
1308
1309'How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
1310
1311'ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman. 'That's the first
1312question, you know.'
1313
1314It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. 'It's really
1315dreadful,' she muttered to herself, 'the way all the creatures argue.
1316It's enough to drive one crazy!'
1317
1318The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for repeating his
1319remark, with variations. 'I shall sit here,' he said, 'on and off, for
1320days and days.'
1321
1322'But what am I to do?' said Alice.
1323
1324'Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling.
1325
1326'Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately: 'he's
1327perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door and went in.
1328
1329The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from
1330one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in
1331the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring
1332a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
1333
1334'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to herself,
1335as well as she could for sneezing.
1336
1337There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess
1338sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howling
1339alternately without a moment's pause. The only things in the kitchen
1340that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat which was sitting on
1341the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
1342
1343'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for she was
1344not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, 'why
1345your cat grins like that?'
1346
1347'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. Pig!'
1348
1349She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice quite
1350jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed to the baby,
1351and not to her, so she took courage, and went on again:--
1352
1353'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didn't know
1354that cats COULD grin.'
1355
1356'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'
1357
1358'I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, feeling quite
1359pleased to have got into a conversation.
1360
1361'You don't know much,' said the Duchess; 'and that's a fact.'
1362
1363Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought it would
1364be as well to introduce some other subject of conversation. While she
1365was trying to fix on one, the cook took the cauldron of soup off the
1366fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within her reach at
1367the Duchess and the baby--the fire-irons came first; then followed a
1368shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of
1369them even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already,
1370that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
1371
1372'Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up and down in
1373an agony of terror. 'Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose'; as an unusually
1374large saucepan flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
1375
1376'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a hoarse
1377growl, 'the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'
1378
1379'Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very glad to get
1380an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. 'Just think of
1381what work it would make with the day and night! You see the earth takes
1382twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis--'
1383
1384'Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, 'chop off her head!'
1385
1386Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant to take
1387the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to
1388be listening, so she went on again: 'Twenty-four hours, I THINK; or is
1389it twelve? I--'
1390
1391'Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; 'I never could abide figures!'
1392And with that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of
1393lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of
1394every line:
1395
1396   'Speak roughly to your little boy,
1397    And beat him when he sneezes:
1398   He only does it to annoy,
1399    Because he knows it teases.'
1400
1401         CHORUS.
1402
1403 (In which the cook and the baby joined):--
1404
1405       'Wow! wow! wow!'
1406
1407While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept tossing
1408the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing howled so,
1409that Alice could hardly hear the words:--
1410
1411   'I speak severely to my boy,
1412    I beat him when he sneezes;
1413   For he can thoroughly enjoy
1414    The pepper when he pleases!'
1415
1416         CHORUS.
1417
1418       'Wow! wow! wow!'
1419
1420'Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said to Alice,
1421flinging the baby at her as she spoke. 'I must go and get ready to play
1422croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw
1423a frying-pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her.
1424
1425Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped
1426little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all directions, 'just
1427like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor little thing was snorting
1428like a steam-engine when she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and
1429straightening itself out again, so that altogether, for the first minute
1430or two, it was as much as she could do to hold it.
1431
1432As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to
1433twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its right
1434ear and left foot, so as to prevent its undoing itself,) she carried
1435it out into the open air. 'IF I don't take this child away with me,'
1436thought Alice, 'they're sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be
1437murder to leave it behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the
1438little thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time).
1439'Don't grunt,' said Alice; 'that's not at all a proper way of expressing
1440yourself.'
1441
1442The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to
1443see what was the matter with it. There could be no doubt that it had
1444a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout than a real nose; also its
1445eyes were getting extremely small for a baby: altogether Alice did not
1446like the look of the thing at all. 'But perhaps it was only sobbing,'
1447she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any
1448tears.
1449
1450No, there were no tears. 'If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear,'
1451said Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind
1452now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible
1453to say which), and they went on for some while in silence.
1454
1455Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 'Now, what am I to do with
1456this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted again, so violently,
1457that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could
1458be NO mistake about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she
1459felt that it would be quite absurd for her to carry it further.
1460
1461So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to see
1462it trot away quietly into the wood. 'If it had grown up,' she said
1463to herself, 'it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes
1464rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began thinking over other
1465children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was just saying
1466to herself, 'if one only knew the right way to change them--' when she
1467was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a
1468tree a few yards off.
1469
1470The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she
1471thought: still it had VERY long claws and a great many teeth, so she
1472felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
1473
1474'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know
1475whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.
1476'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. 'Would you
1477tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
1478
1479'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
1480
1481'I don't much care where--' said Alice.
1482
1483'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.
1484
1485'--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.
1486
1487'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long
1488enough.'
1489
1490Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question.
1491'What sort of people live about here?'
1492
1493'In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, 'lives
1494a Hatter: and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw, 'lives a March
1495Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'
1496
1497'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
1498
1499'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad.
1500You're mad.'
1501
1502'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
1503
1504'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'
1505
1506Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on 'And how
1507do you know that you're mad?'
1508
1509'To begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad. You grant that?'
1510
1511'I suppose so,' said Alice.
1512
1513'Well, then,' the Cat went on, 'you see, a dog growls when it's angry,
1514and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and
1515wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.'
1516
1517'I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.
1518
1519'Call it what you like,' said the Cat. 'Do you play croquet with the
1520Queen to-day?'
1521
1522'I should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been invited
1523yet.'
1524
1525'You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.
1526
1527Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used to queer
1528things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been,
1529it suddenly appeared again.
1530
1531'By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. 'I'd nearly
1532forgotten to ask.'
1533
1534'It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back
1535in a natural way.
1536
1537'I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.
1538
1539Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not
1540appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in
1541which the March Hare was said to live. 'I've seen hatters before,' she
1542said to herself; 'the March Hare will be much the most interesting, and
1543perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad--at least not so mad as
1544it was in March.' As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat
1545again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
1546
1547'Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.
1548
1549'I said pig,' replied Alice; 'and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and
1550vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.'
1551
1552'All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly,
1553beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
1554remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
1555
1556'Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; 'but a grin
1557without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!'
1558
1559She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house
1560of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, because the
1561chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur. It
1562was so large a house, that she did not like to go nearer till she had
1563nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to
1564about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly,
1565saying to herself 'Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost
1566wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead!'
1567
1568
1569
1570
1571CHAPTER VII. A Mad Tea-Party
1572
1573There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the
1574March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting
1575between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a
1576cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. 'Very
1577uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' thought Alice; 'only, as it's asleep, I
1578suppose it doesn't mind.'
1579
1580The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at
1581one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out when they saw Alice
1582coming. 'There's PLENTY of room!' said Alice indignantly, and she sat
1583down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
1584
1585'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
1586
1587Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.
1588'I don't see any wine,' she remarked.
1589
1590'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.
1591
1592'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice angrily.
1593
1594'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said
1595the March Hare.
1596
1597'I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; 'it's laid for a great
1598many more than three.'
1599
1600'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice
1601for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
1602
1603'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said with some
1604severity; 'it's very rude.'
1605
1606The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID
1607was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
1608
1609'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they've
1610begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud.
1611
1612'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the
1613March Hare.
1614
1615'Exactly so,' said Alice.
1616
1617'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.
1618
1619'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least--at least I mean what I
1620say--that's the same thing, you know.'
1621
1622'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well say
1623that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'
1624
1625'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I like what I
1626get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'
1627
1628'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be
1629talking in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing
1630as "I sleep when I breathe"!'
1631
1632'It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the
1633conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice
1634thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks,
1635which wasn't much.
1636
1637The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of the month
1638is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his
1639pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then,
1640and holding it to his ear.
1641
1642Alice considered a little, and then said 'The fourth.'
1643
1644'Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. 'I told you butter wouldn't suit
1645the works!' he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
1646
1647'It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied.
1648
1649'Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter grumbled:
1650'you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'
1651
1652The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped
1653it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he could think of
1654nothing better to say than his first remark, 'It was the BEST butter,
1655you know.'
1656
1657Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. 'What a
1658funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the month, and doesn't
1659tell what o'clock it is!'
1660
1661'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does YOUR watch tell you what
1662year it is?'
1663
1664'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's because it
1665stays the same year for such a long time together.'
1666
1667'Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.
1668
1669Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no
1670sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. 'I don't quite
1671understand you,' she said, as politely as she could.
1672
1673'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured a little
1674hot tea upon its nose.
1675
1676The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its
1677eyes, 'Of course, of course; just what I was going to remark myself.'
1678
1679'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice
1680again.
1681
1682'No, I give it up,' Alice replied: 'what's the answer?'
1683
1684'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
1685
1686'Nor I,' said the March Hare.
1687
1688Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better with the
1689time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
1690
1691'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you wouldn't talk
1692about wasting IT. It's HIM.'
1693
1694'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.
1695
1696'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously.
1697'I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'
1698
1699'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to beat time
1700when I learn music.'
1701
1702'Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. 'He won't stand beating.
1703Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything
1704you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in
1705the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a
1706hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one,
1707time for dinner!'
1708
1709('I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
1710
1711'That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: 'but then--I
1712shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'
1713
1714'Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: 'but you could keep it to
1715half-past one as long as you liked.'
1716
1717'Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked.
1718
1719The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 'Not I!' he replied. 'We
1720quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--' (pointing
1721with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) '--it was at the great concert
1722given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing
1723
1724     "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
1725     How I wonder what you're at!"
1726
1727You know the song, perhaps?'
1728
1729'I've heard something like it,' said Alice.
1730
1731'It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, 'in this way:--
1732
1733     "Up above the world you fly,
1734     Like a tea-tray in the sky.
1735         Twinkle, twinkle--"'
1736
1737Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep 'Twinkle,
1738twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that they had to pinch
1739it to make it stop.
1740
1741'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, 'when the
1742Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the time! Off with his
1743head!"'
1744
1745'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.
1746
1747'And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, 'he won't
1748do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'
1749
1750A bright idea came into Alice's head. 'Is that the reason so many
1751tea-things are put out here?' she asked.
1752
1753'Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: 'it's always tea-time,
1754and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'
1755
1756'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
1757
1758'Exactly so,' said the Hatter: 'as the things get used up.'
1759
1760'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice ventured
1761to ask.
1762
1763'Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, yawning.
1764'I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.'
1765
1766'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at the
1767proposal.
1768
1769'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. 'Wake up, Dormouse!' And
1770they pinched it on both sides at once.
1771
1772The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 'I wasn't asleep,' he said in a
1773hoarse, feeble voice: 'I heard every word you fellows were saying.'
1774
1775'Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.
1776
1777'Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.
1778
1779'And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, 'or you'll be asleep again
1780before it's done.'
1781
1782'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the Dormouse began
1783in a great hurry; 'and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and
1784they lived at the bottom of a well--'
1785
1786'What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great interest in
1787questions of eating and drinking.
1788
1789'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or
1790two.
1791
1792'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently remarked; 'they'd
1793have been ill.'
1794
1795'So they were,' said the Dormouse; 'VERY ill.'
1796
1797Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways of
1798living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: 'But
1799why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
1800
1801'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
1802
1803'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so I can't
1804take more.'
1805
1806'You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter: 'it's very easy to take
1807MORE than nothing.'
1808
1809'Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice.
1810
1811'Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked triumphantly.
1812
1813Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself
1814to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and
1815repeated her question. 'Why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
1816
1817The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then
1818said, 'It was a treacle-well.'
1819
1820'There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but the
1821Hatter and the March Hare went 'Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse sulkily
1822remarked, 'If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for
1823yourself.'
1824
1825'No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; 'I won't interrupt again. I
1826dare say there may be ONE.'
1827
1828'One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to
1829go on. 'And so these three little sisters--they were learning to draw,
1830you know--'
1831
1832'What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
1833
1834'Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.
1835
1836'I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: 'let's all move one place
1837on.'
1838
1839He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare
1840moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took
1841the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any
1842advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than
1843before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
1844
1845Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very
1846cautiously: 'But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle
1847from?'
1848
1849'You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; 'so I should
1850think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, stupid?'
1851
1852'But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to
1853notice this last remark.
1854
1855'Of course they were', said the Dormouse; '--well in.'
1856
1857This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for
1858some time without interrupting it.
1859
1860'They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing
1861its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; 'and they drew all manner of
1862things--everything that begins with an M--'
1863
1864'Why with an M?' said Alice.
1865
1866'Why not?' said the March Hare.
1867
1868Alice was silent.
1869
1870The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into
1871a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with
1872a little shriek, and went on: '--that begins with an M, such as
1873mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness--you know you say
1874things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever see such a thing as a
1875drawing of a muchness?'
1876
1877'Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, 'I don't
1878think--'
1879
1880'Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.
1881
1882This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in
1883great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and
1884neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she
1885looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her:
1886the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into
1887the teapot.
1888
1889'At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she picked her
1890way through the wood. 'It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all
1891my life!'
1892
1893Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door
1894leading right into it. 'That's very curious!' she thought. 'But
1895everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.' And in
1896she went.
1897
1898Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little
1899glass table. 'Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said to herself,
1900and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that
1901led into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she
1902had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high:
1903then she walked down the little passage: and THEN--she found herself at
1904last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool
1905fountains.
1906
1907
1908
1909
1910CHAPTER VIII. The Queen's Croquet-Ground
1911
1912A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses
1913growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily
1914painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went
1915nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of
1916them say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like
1917that!'
1918
1919'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; 'Seven jogged my
1920elbow.'
1921
1922On which Seven looked up and said, 'That's right, Five! Always lay the
1923blame on others!'
1924
1925'YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. 'I heard the Queen say only
1926yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'
1927
1928'What for?' said the one who had spoken first.
1929
1930'That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.
1931
1932'Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell him--it was for
1933bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
1934
1935Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun 'Well, of all the unjust
1936things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching
1937them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and
1938all of them bowed low.
1939
1940'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you are painting
1941those roses?'
1942
1943Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low
1944voice, 'Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a
1945RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen
1946was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know.
1947So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to--' At this
1948moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called
1949out 'The Queen! The Queen!' and the three gardeners instantly threw
1950themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps,
1951and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
1952
1953First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like
1954the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the
1955corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with
1956diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
1957the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
1958jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented
1959with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among
1960them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried
1961nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without
1962noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's
1963crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand
1964procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
1965
1966Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face
1967like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard
1968of such a rule at processions; 'and besides, what would be the use of
1969a procession,' thought she, 'if people had all to lie down upon their
1970faces, so that they couldn't see it?' So she stood still where she was,
1971and waited.
1972
1973When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked
1974at her, and the Queen said severely 'Who is this?' She said it to the
1975Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.
1976
1977'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to
1978Alice, she went on, 'What's your name, child?'
1979
1980'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very politely;
1981but she added, to herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of cards, after
1982all. I needn't be afraid of them!'
1983
1984'And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who
1985were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their
1986faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the
1987pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or
1988courtiers, or three of her own children.
1989
1990'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. 'It's no
1991business of MINE.'
1992
1993The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a
1994moment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off with her head! Off--'
1995
1996'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was
1997silent.
1998
1999The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said 'Consider, my
2000dear: she is only a child!'
2001
2002The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave 'Turn them
2003over!'
2004
2005The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
2006
2007'Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three
2008gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen,
2009the royal children, and everybody else.
2010
2011'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. 'You make me giddy.' And then,
2012turning to the rose-tree, she went on, 'What HAVE you been doing here?'
2013
2014'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, going
2015down on one knee as he spoke, 'we were trying--'
2016
2017'I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses.
2018'Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three of the
2019soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran
2020to Alice for protection.
2021
2022'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a large
2023flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a
2024minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the
2025others.
2026
2027'Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.
2028
2029'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers shouted
2030in reply.
2031
2032'That's right!' shouted the Queen. 'Can you play croquet?'
2033
2034The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was
2035evidently meant for her.
2036
2037'Yes!' shouted Alice.
2038
2039'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
2040wondering very much what would happen next.
2041
2042'It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. She was
2043walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
2044
2045'Very,' said Alice: '--where's the Duchess?'
2046
2047'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
2048anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
2049tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered 'She's under
2050sentence of execution.'
2051
2052'What for?' said Alice.
2053
2054'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.
2055
2056'No, I didn't,' said Alice: 'I don't think it's at all a pity. I said
2057"What for?"'
2058
2059'She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
2060scream of laughter. 'Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
2061tone. 'The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
2062Queen said--'
2063
2064'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
2065people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
2066other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
2067began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in
2068her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs,
2069the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves
2070up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
2071
2072The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:
2073she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under
2074her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got
2075its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a
2076blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face,
2077with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out
2078laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin
2079again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
2080itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was
2081generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the
2082hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up
2083and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
2084conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
2085
2086The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
2087all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short
2088time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and
2089shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her head!' about once in a
2090minute.
2091
2092Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any
2093dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
2094'and then,' thought she, 'what would become of me? They're dreadfully
2095fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
2096left alive!'
2097
2098She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she
2099could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance
2100in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it
2101a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself
2102'It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.'
2103
2104'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
2105enough for it to speak with.
2106
2107Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no use
2108speaking to it,' she thought, 'till its ears have come, or at least one
2109of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
2110down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad
2111she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
2112enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
2113
2114'I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather a
2115complaining tone, 'and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
2116oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in particular;
2117at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and you've no idea how
2118confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the
2119arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the
2120ground--and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only
2121it ran away when it saw mine coming!'
2122
2123'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
2124
2125'Not at all,' said Alice: 'she's so extremely--' Just then she noticed
2126that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on,
2127'--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.'
2128
2129The Queen smiled and passed on.
2130
2131'Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and looking
2132at the Cat's head with great curiosity.
2133
2134'It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: 'allow me to
2135introduce it.'
2136
2137'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, it may
2138kiss my hand if it likes.'
2139
2140'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
2141
2142'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me like that!'
2143He got behind Alice as he spoke.
2144
2145'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. 'I've read that in some book,
2146but I don't remember where.'
2147
2148'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and he called
2149the Queen, who was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I wish you would
2150have this cat removed!'
2151
2152The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small.
2153'Off with his head!' she said, without even looking round.
2154
2155'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and he
2156hurried off.
2157
2158Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going
2159on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with
2160passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
2161executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look
2162of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
2163whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
2164
2165The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed
2166to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the
2167other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the
2168other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless
2169sort of way to fly up into a tree.
2170
2171By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight
2172was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: 'but it doesn't
2173matter much,' thought Alice, 'as all the arches are gone from this side
2174of the ground.' So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
2175escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
2176friend.
2177
2178When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a
2179large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between
2180the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once,
2181while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
2182
2183The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
2184the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
2185all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly
2186what they said.
2187
2188The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless
2189there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
2190thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life.
2191
2192The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
2193beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
2194
2195The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less
2196than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last
2197remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
2198
2199Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to the Duchess:
2200you'd better ask HER about it.'
2201
2202'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: 'fetch her here.'
2203And the executioner went off like an arrow.
2204
2205 The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
2206by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely
2207disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down
2208looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
2209
2210
2211
2212
2213CHAPTER IX. The Mock Turtle's Story
2214
2215'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!'
2216said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and
2217they walked off together.
2218
2219Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought
2220to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so
2221savage when they met in the kitchen.
2222
2223'When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone
2224though), 'I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very
2225well without--Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,'
2226she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of
2227rule, 'and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes
2228them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children
2229sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so
2230stingy about it, you know--'
2231
2232She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
2233startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. 'You're thinking
2234about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't
2235tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in
2236a bit.'
2237
2238'Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.
2239
2240'Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. 'Everything's got a moral, if only
2241you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as
2242she spoke.
2243
2244Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
2245Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the
2246right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an
2247uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she
2248bore it as well as she could.
2249
2250'The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up
2251the conversation a little.
2252
2253''Tis so,' said the Duchess: 'and the moral of that is--"Oh, 'tis love,
2254'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'
2255
2256'Somebody said,' Alice whispered, 'that it's done by everybody minding
2257their own business!'
2258
2259'Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her
2260sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, 'and the moral
2261of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
2262themselves."'
2263
2264'How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to herself.
2265
2266'I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,'
2267the Duchess said after a pause: 'the reason is, that I'm doubtful about
2268the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?'
2269
2270'HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to
2271have the experiment tried.
2272
2273'Very true,' said the Duchess: 'flamingoes and mustard both bite. And
2274the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."'
2275
2276'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
2277
2278'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: 'what a clear way you have of
2279putting things!'
2280
2281'It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.
2282
2283'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
2284everything that Alice said; 'there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
2285the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of
2286yours."'
2287
2288'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark,
2289'it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.'
2290
2291'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of that
2292is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more
2293simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might
2294appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise
2295than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'
2296
2297'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, 'if
2298I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.'
2299
2300'That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied, in
2301a pleased tone.
2302
2303'Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said
2304Alice.
2305
2306'Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. 'I make you a present
2307of everything I've said as yet.'
2308
2309'A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they don't give
2310birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out
2311loud.
2312
2313'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp
2314little chin.
2315
2316'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to
2317feel a little worried.
2318
2319'Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, 'as pigs have to fly; and
2320the m--'
2321
2322But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even
2323in the middle of her favourite word 'moral,' and the arm that was linked
2324into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen
2325in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
2326
2327'A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
2328
2329'Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on the
2330ground as she spoke; 'either you or your head must be off, and that in
2331about half no time! Take your choice!'
2332
2333The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
2334
2335'Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was
2336too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
2337croquet-ground.
2338
2339The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
2340resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried
2341back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would
2342cost them their lives.
2343
2344All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with
2345the other players, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her
2346head!' Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers,
2347who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by
2348the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the
2349players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and
2350under sentence of execution.
2351
2352Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, 'Have
2353you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'
2354
2355'No,' said Alice. 'I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'
2356
2357'It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.
2358
2359'I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.
2360
2361'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and he shall tell you his history,'
2362
2363As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice,
2364to the company generally, 'You are all pardoned.' 'Come, THAT'S a good
2365thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the
2366number of executions the Queen had ordered.
2367
2368They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun.
2369(IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) 'Up, lazy
2370thing!' said the Queen, 'and take this young lady to see the Mock
2371Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some
2372executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with
2373the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on
2374the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go
2375after that savage Queen: so she waited.
2376
2377The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till
2378she was out of sight: then it chuckled. 'What fun!' said the Gryphon,
2379half to itself, half to Alice.
2380
2381'What IS the fun?' said Alice.
2382
2383'Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. 'It's all her fancy, that: they never
2384executes nobody, you know. Come on!'
2385
2386'Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly
2387after it: 'I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!'
2388
2389They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
2390sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came
2391nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She
2392pitied him deeply. 'What is his sorrow?' she asked the Gryphon, and the
2393Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, 'It's all his
2394fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
2395
2396So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes
2397full of tears, but said nothing.
2398
2399'This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, 'she wants for to know your
2400history, she do.'
2401
2402'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: 'sit
2403down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.'
2404
2405So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to
2406herself, 'I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin.' But
2407she waited patiently.
2408
2409'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, 'I was a real
2410Turtle.'
2411
2412These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
2413occasional exclamation of 'Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and the constant
2414heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
2415saying, 'Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could
2416not help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said
2417nothing.
2418
2419'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly,
2420though still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to school in the
2421sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--'
2422
2423'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
2424
2425'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle
2426angrily: 'really you are very dull!'
2427
2428'You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,'
2429added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor
2430Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said
2431to the Mock Turtle, 'Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!'
2432and he went on in these words:
2433
2434'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--'
2435
2436'I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.
2437
2438'You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
2439
2440'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again.
2441The Mock Turtle went on.
2442
2443'We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--'
2444
2445'I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; 'you needn't be so proud
2446as all that.'
2447
2448'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
2449
2450'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music.'
2451
2452'And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.
2453
2454'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.
2455
2456'Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in
2457a tone of great relief. 'Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill,
2458"French, music, AND WASHING--extra."'
2459
2460'You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; 'living at the bottom of
2461the sea.'
2462
2463'I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. 'I
2464only took the regular course.'
2465
2466'What was that?' inquired Alice.
2467
2468'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle
2469replied; 'and then the different branches of Arithmetic--Ambition,
2470Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'
2471
2472'I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. 'What is it?'
2473
2474The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 'What! Never heard of
2475uglifying!' it exclaimed. 'You know what to beautify is, I suppose?'
2476
2477'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: 'it means--to--make--anything--prettier.'
2478
2479'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to uglify is,
2480you ARE a simpleton.'
2481
2482Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she
2483turned to the Mock Turtle, and said 'What else had you to learn?'
2484
2485'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting off
2486the subjects on his flappers, '--Mystery, ancient and modern, with
2487Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel,
2488that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and
2489Fainting in Coils.'
2490
2491'What was THAT like?' said Alice.
2492
2493'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: 'I'm too
2494stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'
2495
2496'Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: 'I went to the Classics master, though.
2497He was an old crab, HE was.'
2498
2499'I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: 'he taught
2500Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'
2501
2502'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both
2503creatures hid their faces in their paws.
2504
2505'And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a hurry to
2506change the subject.
2507
2508'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: 'nine the next, and so
2509on.'
2510
2511'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.
2512
2513'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked:
2514'because they lessen from day to day.'
2515
2516This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little
2517before she made her next remark. 'Then the eleventh day must have been a
2518holiday?'
2519
2520'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.
2521
2522'And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.
2523
2524'That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided
2525tone: 'tell her something about the games now.'
2526
2527
2528
2529
2530CHAPTER X. The Lobster Quadrille
2531
2532The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across
2533his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or
2534two sobs choked his voice. 'Same as if he had a bone in his throat,'
2535said the Gryphon: and it set to work shaking him and punching him in
2536the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears
2537running down his cheeks, he went on again:--
2538
2539'You may not have lived much under the sea--' ('I haven't,' said
2540Alice)--'and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster--'
2541(Alice began to say 'I once tasted--' but checked herself hastily, and
2542said 'No, never') '--so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a
2543Lobster Quadrille is!'
2544
2545'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?'
2546
2547'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the
2548sea-shore--'
2549
2550'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on;
2551then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way--'
2552
2553'THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon.
2554
2555'--you advance twice--'
2556
2557'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.
2558
2559'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to partners--'
2560
2561'--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the Gryphon.
2562
2563'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw the--'
2564
2565'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
2566
2567'--as far out to sea as you can--'
2568
2569'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.
2570
2571'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly
2572about.
2573
2574'Change lobsters again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.
2575
2576'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the Mock
2577Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures, who had been
2578jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again very sadly
2579and quietly, and looked at Alice.
2580
2581'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.
2582
2583'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle.
2584
2585'Very much indeed,' said Alice.
2586
2587'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon.
2588'We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?'
2589
2590'Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I've forgotten the words.'
2591
2592So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and
2593then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their
2594forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly
2595and sadly:--
2596
2597 '"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.
2598 "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail.
2599
2600 See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
2601 They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the dance?
2602
2603 Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
2604 Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
2605
2606 "You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
2607 When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!"
2608 But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look askance--
2609 Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
2610
2611 Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
2612 Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
2613
2614 '"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.
2615 "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
2616 The further off from England the nearer is to France--
2617 Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
2618
2619 Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
2620 Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?"'
2621
2622'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said Alice, feeling
2623very glad that it was over at last: 'and I do so like that curious song
2624about the whiting!'
2625
2626'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they--you've seen them,
2627of course?'
2628
2629'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn--' she checked herself
2630hastily.
2631
2632'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but if you've
2633seen them so often, of course you know what they're like.'
2634
2635'I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. 'They have their tails in
2636their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'
2637
2638'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 'crumbs would all
2639wash off in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths; and the
2640reason is--' here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes.--'Tell her
2641about the reason and all that,' he said to the Gryphon.
2642
2643'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they WOULD go with the lobsters
2644to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long
2645way. So they got their tails fast in their mouths. So they couldn't get
2646them out again. That's all.'
2647
2648'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew so much
2649about a whiting before.'
2650
2651'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the Gryphon. 'Do you
2652know why it's called a whiting?'
2653
2654'I never thought about it,' said Alice. 'Why?'
2655
2656'IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
2657
2658Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she repeated
2659in a wondering tone.
2660
2661'Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. 'I mean, what
2662makes them so shiny?'
2663
2664Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she gave her
2665answer. 'They're done with blacking, I believe.'
2666
2667'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep voice,
2668'are done with a whiting. Now you know.'
2669
2670'And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
2671
2672'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather impatiently:
2673'any shrimp could have told you that.'
2674
2675'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were still running
2676on the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep back, please: we
2677don't want YOU with us!"'
2678
2679'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle said: 'no
2680wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'
2681
2682'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
2683
2684'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to ME, and
2685told me he was going a journey, I should say "With what porpoise?"'
2686
2687'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.
2688
2689'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And
2690the Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of YOUR adventures.'
2691
2692'I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' said
2693Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday,
2694because I was a different person then.'
2695
2696'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.
2697
2698'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an impatient tone:
2699'explanations take such a dreadful time.'
2700
2701So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first
2702saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first,
2703the two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened
2704their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained courage as she went
2705on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the part about
2706her repeating 'YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the
2707words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
2708and said 'That's very curious.'
2709
2710'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.
2711
2712'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. 'I
2713should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to
2714begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he thought it had some kind of
2715authority over Alice.
2716
2717'Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said the
2718Gryphon.
2719
2720'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat lessons!'
2721thought Alice; 'I might as well be at school at once.' However, she
2722got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so full of the Lobster
2723Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came
2724very queer indeed:--
2725
2726  ''Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
2727  "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."
2728  As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
2729  Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'
2730
2731       [later editions continued as follows
2732  When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
2733  And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
2734  But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
2735  His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]
2736
2737'That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' said the
2738Gryphon.
2739
2740'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; 'but it sounds
2741uncommon nonsense.'
2742
2743Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her hands,
2744wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way again.
2745
2746'I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.
2747
2748'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. 'Go on with the next
2749verse.'
2750
2751'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. 'How COULD he turn them
2752out with his nose, you know?'
2753
2754'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was dreadfully
2755puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the subject.
2756
2757'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: 'it
2758begins "I passed by his garden."'
2759
2760Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would all come
2761wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--
2762
2763  'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
2764  How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'
2765
2766    [later editions continued as follows
2767  The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
2768  While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
2769  When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
2770  Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
2771  While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
2772  And concluded the banquet--]
2773
2774'What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle
2775interrupted, 'if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far the most
2776confusing thing I ever heard!'
2777
2778'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and Alice was
2779only too glad to do so.
2780
2781'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the Gryphon went
2782on. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?'
2783
2784'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' Alice
2785replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone,
2786'Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle Soup," will you, old
2787fellow?'
2788
2789The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked
2790with sobs, to sing this:--
2791
2792   'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
2793   Waiting in a hot tureen!
2794   Who for such dainties would not stoop?
2795   Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
2796   Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
2797     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
2798     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
2799   Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
2800     Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
2801
2802   'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
2803   Game, or any other dish?
2804   Who would not give all else for two
2805   Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
2806   Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
2807     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
2808     Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!
2809   Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
2810     Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'
2811
2812'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun
2813to repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!' was heard in the
2814distance.
2815
2816'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried
2817off, without waiting for the end of the song.
2818
2819'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only
2820answered 'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more faintly
2821came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the melancholy words:--
2822
2823   'Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,
2824     Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'
2825
2826
2827
2828
2829CHAPTER XI. Who Stole the Tarts?
2830
2831The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they
2832arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little
2833birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was
2834standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard
2835him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand,
2836and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court
2837was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good,
2838that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--'I wish they'd get the
2839trial done,' she thought, 'and hand round the refreshments!' But there
2840seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about
2841her, to pass away the time.
2842
2843Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read
2844about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew
2845the name of nearly everything there. 'That's the judge,' she said to
2846herself, 'because of his great wig.'
2847
2848The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the
2849wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did
2850not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
2851
2852'And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve creatures,'
2853(she was obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because some of them were
2854animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they are the jurors.' She said
2855this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of
2856it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her
2857age knew the meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men' would have done
2858just as well.
2859
2860The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 'What are they
2861doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'They can't have anything to put
2862down yet, before the trial's begun.'
2863
2864'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, 'for
2865fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'
2866
2867'Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped
2868hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in the court!' and the
2869King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who
2870was talking.
2871
2872Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders,
2873that all the jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' on their slates,
2874and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell
2875'stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. 'A nice
2876muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought Alice.
2877
2878One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice
2879could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and
2880very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly
2881that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out
2882at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was
2883obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was
2884of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
2885
2886'Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.
2887
2888On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
2889unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
2890
2891   'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
2892      All on a summer day:
2893    The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
2894      And took them quite away!'
2895
2896'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.
2897
2898'Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 'There's a great
2899deal to come before that!'
2900
2901'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three
2902blasts on the trumpet, and called out, 'First witness!'
2903
2904The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one
2905hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. 'I beg pardon, your
2906Majesty,' he began, 'for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished
2907my tea when I was sent for.'
2908
2909'You ought to have finished,' said the King. 'When did you begin?'
2910
2911The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the
2912court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I think it
2913was,' he said.
2914
2915'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.
2916
2917'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
2918
2919'Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly
2920wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and
2921reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
2922
2923'Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.
2924
2925'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
2926
2927'Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a
2928memorandum of the fact.
2929
2930'I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; 'I've none of
2931my own. I'm a hatter.'
2932
2933Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter,
2934who turned pale and fidgeted.
2935
2936'Give your evidence,' said the King; 'and don't be nervous, or I'll have
2937you executed on the spot.'
2938
2939This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting
2940from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in
2941his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the
2942bread-and-butter.
2943
2944Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled
2945her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to
2946grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave
2947the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as
2948long as there was room for her.
2949
2950'I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was sitting
2951next to her. 'I can hardly breathe.'
2952
2953'I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: 'I'm growing.'
2954
2955'You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.
2956
2957'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: 'you know you're growing
2958too.'
2959
2960'Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse: 'not in that
2961ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the
2962other side of the court.
2963
2964All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and,
2965just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers
2966of the court, 'Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' on
2967which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
2968
2969'Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, 'or I'll have you
2970executed, whether you're nervous or not.'
2971
2972'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice,
2973'--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the
2974bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--'
2975
2976'The twinkling of the what?' said the King.
2977
2978'It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.
2979
2980'Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. 'Do you
2981take me for a dunce? Go on!'
2982
2983'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and most things twinkled after
2984that--only the March Hare said--'
2985
2986'I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
2987
2988'You did!' said the Hatter.
2989
2990'I deny it!' said the March Hare.
2991
2992'He denies it,' said the King: 'leave out that part.'
2993
2994'Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, looking
2995anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
2996nothing, being fast asleep.
2997
2998'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread-and-butter--'
2999
3000'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
3001
3002'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.
3003
3004'You MUST remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have you executed.'
3005
3006The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went
3007down on one knee. 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.
3008
3009'You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.
3010
3011Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
3012the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just
3013explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied
3014up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig,
3015head first, and then sat upon it.)
3016
3017'I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. 'I've so often read
3018in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts
3019at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the
3020court," and I never understood what it meant till now.'
3021
3022'If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the
3023King.
3024
3025'I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: 'I'm on the floor, as it is.'
3026
3027'Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.
3028
3029Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
3030
3031'Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. 'Now we shall get
3032on better.'
3033
3034'I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the
3035Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
3036
3037'You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court,
3038without even waiting to put his shoes on.
3039
3040'--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one of the
3041officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get
3042to the door.
3043
3044'Call the next witness!' said the King.
3045
3046The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in
3047her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the
3048court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
3049
3050'Give your evidence,' said the King.
3051
3052'Shan't,' said the cook.
3053
3054The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice,
3055'Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'
3056
3057'Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy air, and,
3058after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were
3059nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 'What are tarts made of?'
3060
3061'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
3062
3063'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
3064
3065'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. 'Behead that Dormouse!
3066Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his
3067whiskers!'
3068
3069For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse
3070turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had
3071disappeared.
3072
3073'Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. 'Call the next
3074witness.' And he added in an undertone to the Queen, 'Really, my dear,
3075YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead
3076ache!'
3077
3078Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very
3079curious to see what the next witness would be like, '--for they haven't
3080got much evidence YET,' she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when
3081the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the
3082name 'Alice!'
3083
3084
3085
3086
3087CHAPTER XII. Alice's Evidence
3088
3089
3090'Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how
3091large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such
3092a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt,
3093upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there
3094they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish
3095she had accidentally upset the week before.
3096
3097'Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and
3098began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of
3099the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
3100that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or
3101they would die.
3102
3103'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave voice, 'until
3104all the jurymen are back in their proper places--ALL,' he repeated with
3105great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
3106
3107Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put
3108the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its
3109tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got
3110it out again, and put it right; 'not that it signifies much,' she said
3111to herself; 'I should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial
3112one way up as the other.'
3113
3114As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being
3115upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to
3116them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the
3117accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do
3118anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the
3119court.
3120
3121'What do you know about this business?' the King said to Alice.
3122
3123'Nothing,' said Alice.
3124
3125'Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King.
3126
3127'Nothing whatever,' said Alice.
3128
3129'That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. They were
3130just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit
3131interrupted: 'UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course,' he said in a
3132very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.
3133
3134'UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on
3135to himself in an undertone,
3136
3137'important--unimportant--unimportant--important--' as if he were trying
3138which word sounded best.
3139
3140Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some 'unimportant.'
3141Alice could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates;
3142'but it doesn't matter a bit,' she thought to herself.
3143
3144At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in
3145his note-book, cackled out 'Silence!' and read out from his book, 'Rule
3146Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.'
3147
3148Everybody looked at Alice.
3149
3150'I'M not a mile high,' said Alice.
3151
3152'You are,' said the King.
3153
3154'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.
3155
3156'Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: 'besides, that's not a
3157regular rule: you invented it just now.'
3158
3159'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
3160
3161'Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.
3162
3163The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 'Consider your
3164verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.
3165
3166'There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said the White
3167Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; 'this paper has just been picked
3168up.'
3169
3170'What's in it?' said the Queen.
3171
3172'I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, 'but it seems to be a
3173letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.'
3174
3175'It must have been that,' said the King, 'unless it was written to
3176nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'
3177
3178'Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
3179
3180'It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; 'in fact, there's
3181nothing written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and
3182added 'It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.'
3183
3184'Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of the jurymen.
3185
3186'No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the queerest thing
3187about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)
3188
3189'He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. (The jury
3190all brightened up again.)
3191
3192'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, 'I didn't write it, and they
3193can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'
3194
3195'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes the matter
3196worse. You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your
3197name like an honest man.'
3198
3199There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really
3200clever thing the King had said that day.
3201
3202'That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen.
3203
3204'It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. 'Why, you don't even know
3205what they're about!'
3206
3207'Read them,' said the King.
3208
3209The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please
3210your Majesty?' he asked.
3211
3212'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you
3213come to the end: then stop.'
3214
3215These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--
3216
3217   'They told me you had been to her,
3218    And mentioned me to him:
3219   She gave me a good character,
3220    But said I could not swim.
3221
3222   He sent them word I had not gone
3223    (We know it to be true):
3224   If she should push the matter on,
3225    What would become of you?
3226
3227   I gave her one, they gave him two,
3228    You gave us three or more;
3229   They all returned from him to you,
3230    Though they were mine before.
3231
3232   If I or she should chance to be
3233    Involved in this affair,
3234   He trusts to you to set them free,
3235    Exactly as we were.
3236
3237   My notion was that you had been
3238    (Before she had this fit)
3239   An obstacle that came between
3240    Him, and ourselves, and it.
3241
3242   Don't let him know she liked them best,
3243    For this must ever be
3244   A secret, kept from all the rest,
3245    Between yourself and me.'
3246
3247'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' said the
3248King, rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury--'
3249
3250'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had grown so large
3251in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting
3252him,) 'I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't believe there's an atom of
3253meaning in it.'
3254
3255The jury all wrote down on their slates, 'SHE doesn't believe there's an
3256atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to explain the paper.
3257
3258'If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, 'that saves a world of
3259trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know,'
3260he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them
3261with one eye; 'I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. "--SAID
3262I COULD NOT SWIM--" you can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the
3263Knave.
3264
3265The Knave shook his head sadly. 'Do I look like it?' he said. (Which he
3266certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.)
3267
3268'All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering over
3269the verses to himself: '"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's the jury, of
3270course--"I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why, that must be what he
3271did with the tarts, you know--'
3272
3273'But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said Alice.
3274
3275'Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts
3276on the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than THAT. Then again--"BEFORE SHE
3277HAD THIS FIT--" you never had fits, my dear, I think?' he said to the
3278Queen.
3279
3280'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard
3281as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his
3282slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily
3283began again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as
3284it lasted.)
3285
3286'Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round the court
3287with a smile. There was a dead silence.
3288
3289'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed,
3290'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the
3291twentieth time that day.
3292
3293'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first--verdict afterwards.'
3294
3295'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having the
3296sentence first!'
3297
3298'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.
3299
3300'I won't!' said Alice.
3301
3302'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody
3303moved.
3304
3305'Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full size by this
3306time.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'
3307
3308At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon
3309her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and
3310tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her
3311head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead
3312leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face.
3313
3314'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; 'Why, what a long sleep you've
3315had!'
3316
3317'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told her
3318sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures
3319of hers that you have just been reading about; and when she had
3320finished, her sister kissed her, and said, 'It WAS a curious dream,
3321dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late.' So
3322Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might,
3323what a wonderful dream it had been.
3324
3325But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her
3326hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all her
3327wonderful Adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, and
3328this was her dream:--
3329
3330First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the tiny
3331hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes were looking
3332up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her voice, and see that
3333queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that
3334WOULD always get into her eyes--and still as she listened, or seemed to
3335listen, the whole place around her became alive the strange creatures of
3336her little sister's dream.
3337
3338The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried by--the
3339frightened Mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool--she
3340could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends
3341shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen
3342ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution--once more the pig-baby
3343was sneezing on the Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed
3344around it--once more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the
3345Lizard's slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
3346filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock
3347Turtle.
3348
3349So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in
3350Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and all
3351would change to dull reality--the grass would be only rustling in the
3352wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds--the rattling
3353teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen's shrill
3354cries to the voice of the shepherd boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the
3355shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change (she
3356knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing
3357of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's
3358heavy sobs.
3359
3360Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers
3361would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would
3362keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her
3363childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and
3364make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even
3365with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with
3366all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,
3367remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
3368
3369              THE END
3370
3371
3372
3373
3374
3375End of Project Gutenberg's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll
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